Lately I've felt a little lost, I don't mean physically lost but mentally. I've been going in and out of moods like ocean waves on the shore. One day I'm confident and happy and think everything will be okay and the next I ask myself…who am I? What do I want? Who do I WANT to be? And I've realized I've started to stress myself out about it.
In my human development class we've been talking about personalities and identities. And I can't help but sit there and think about my own personality and identity. When I think about what I believe in and what kind of person I want to be I get frustrated because I don't understand how I haven't already figured myself out when everyone around me seems to think they know me. How can they really know me if I don't even think I know myself?
I know my core beliefs and morals, for example I know I'll never cheat under any circumstance and I can say that in complete confidence. I know I would do anything to help anyone else and not think twice about it. I feel like I'm a good person and I know right from wrong, but there seems to be something missing in my life and I can't quite put my finger on it….that was until a few days ago.
I know how cliche is it to say "I've found God" but in all honesty finding religion has really made me feel whole again and when I lay in bed and think about my life and what I want to become as a person I find myself talking to God, asking him for guidance and advice. After I've finished praying I always have this overwhelming calmness that comes over me and in an instant I'm at peace.
And with that said I can now proudly say I have begun the journey of finding myself, and thanks to my lovely roommate Morgan we are encouraging each other to go to church every weekend. Is it strange that I'm actually looking forward to church this Sunday? It may seem weird but I actually feel so much happier and better when I go to church. And no I'm not turning into some sort of Jesus freak, so no need to be alarmed. I see this as a step in a happier direction for my life and I'm excited to where it will lead me.
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